I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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