please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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