Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
