you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
