You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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