Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
