I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
