he looks like a really good dad on facebook
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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