I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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