You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have fence marks all over my body
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
