I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
