I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
