I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
