He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
His hands were made for my vagina.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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