i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
