hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
