I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is wine microwaveable?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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