I met the friendliest cop last night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
