Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
