i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your penis caused this!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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