eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
