she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
