I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
