My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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