I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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