She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
