Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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