btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
