4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I deserve this hangover.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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