highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
