somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
