So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
