apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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