Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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