But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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