Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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