oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
