Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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