saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
