God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
