Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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