Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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