I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
