Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
