we're blogging at a bar
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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