she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
