so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
