Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
