She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude. I can hear the air.
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