Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
