she looked like the before picture.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
