Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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