You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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