I'm so fucking centered right now
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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