He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
