Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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