You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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