Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
