I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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