why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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