somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
