Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
