I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
