My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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