things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
