Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
