There was a lot of him and a little penis
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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