420 ftw
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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