Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
