Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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