I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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