I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
