if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
