I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize