The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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