i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
