After last night, I could never be a politician.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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