He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
