Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
