sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
